Death

My neighbor is dying. Legitimately and actively in the process of dying. I'm so distraught by it. She is young, seemed to be healthy and then BAM! A diagnosis. A death sentence. She was rushed to the hospital last week by ambulance where she was admitted to ICU. Yesterday, she and her family met with hospice and then they came home. There is note on the door warning regarding the use of oxygen. The driveways is full of cars of medical care professionals and family. The curtains are shut.

The day is cloudy and dreary, which seems fitting.

I want to help, but know there is absolutely nothing I can do. Thus, I stay out of the way. I pray for the family's peace, as much as it can exist. I hope that she is as comfortable as she can be.

This experience makes me think a bit about my own mortality. I wonder if I am living as fully as I need to be. I wonder if I should do anything differently. Do I make enough time for those in my life? Am I instilling the skills/values I want my son to have when he and I are no longer together? Am I pursuing the appropriate dreams? Leaving the mark on the world that I want?

I don't know. I sure hope so.