Surrogate

A few weeks ago, J and I visited my sister. Although feelings of health were minimal, all-in-all it was a great trip. It was cool to see K's place, great to spend some time with her, and P-town remains one of my favorite cities.

K and I both were not feeling that great. With that, we decided to grab dinner at a quiet place near her home. The restaurant was busy, but set up in manner that we all had space. It was cozy without feeling crowded. The food was pretty good too. We spent most of dinner simply catching up. We told K regarding things happening in our lives, and she filled us in on hers. Did you know that girl is currently in Hawaii and will be hitting Aruba next month?!? Lucky woman! After catching up on our own lives, we started chatting regarding family and friends. At some point, K told me my cousin's wife is pregnant. J tells me a flash of pain spread across my face -- if only for a second. He tells me K did not notice it.

Let me clarify that I am so excited for my cousin and his wife. I am confident that they will be great parents. I am also excited to have new member to welcome to the family. There is nothing quite like fresh baby.

With that said, there is no doubt in my mind that J may have seen something. He may very well have imagined it too. The fact is that although I will NOT talk with you about it in real life, I do often wish J and I had kids. I think he deserves to be a father. I feel extreme guilt/disappointment/something for not affording him that opportunity. I am also of the belief, however, that what is meant to be will be.

J and I are also lucky enough to have some wonderful children in our lives thus we feel blessed and are thankful for those relationships.

Interestingly enough, about two months ago, J and I were each approached separately by friends (couples) - friends who do not know each other-- during the same week. Each couple offered to be surrogate parents for us. J and I reacted to each respective couple by being both flabbergasted and touched by their offers. With that said, this offer is not for us...at least not at this time. I am so thankful, however, for their offer to give us such an incredible gift. At that same time, mostly because of their corresponding timing, I found myself paranoid regarding the vibes we must be submitting to illicit such incredible offers. Since that week, I have also found myself more preoccupied by this topic. Are we running out of time? Is this a stage in our life we need to pursue? Do we need to make extraneous efforts to make this happen?

My conclusion is this: LIfe is what it is. What will be will be.

In the mean time, it is time to prepare for another little one to compliment the family.