Position

My strength as a spouse was tested this week - not in an overly dramatic way or anything, but just in general. I thought about my relationship, how it compares to what I want it to be, how it compares to what I think it ought to be, etc.

You see, I really respect J. I really respect the job he does as well. I know that he works hard. I believe that he is skilled, competent, and proficient in his position. I suspect his peers and the public both benefit greatly from his presence. With that said, there are times that I detest his position as well. His choice of vocation yields additional stress based on the fact that he is put in harm's way regularly. The pay and benefits, while they suffice, are surprisingly inadequate for the job he does. The schedule regularly compromises my sanity and makes it near impossible to have any semblance of a life as a couple. With that said, he loves his job. There are many people who are not able to make that claim. Thus, I respect his desire to go to work each day and do my very best to support it.

This week, however, one of his co-workers was killed. For those in the area, you're familiar with the incident. For those of you far away, I will let you check the news. The thing is that this incident was not isolated. In fact, it was one of a string of occurrences that have left J, his peers, and all of our families concerned and a bit on edge -- even if not on a conscious level.

If one were to look in the archives of this blog, he or she would see that I do not begin to understand random or unnecessary acts of violence. For as much that I read about sociopaths, cynicism, and general human motivation, etc., one would think that I would, but I do not. I do not care to either.

Instead, I simply take a deep breath, hope for the best, and believe things will continue to be okay.