Shine

Over the past few days I have been in a funk. Nothing detrimental to my functioning or anything, but certainly not me. I am constantly tired, motivated by little, and overwhelmed by almost everything. At first, I thought I had the flu. Now, I just think I am a wimp. Whatever the case, I need this feeling to go away. I am too busy for this.

Work is a bit hectic right now. I have a lot going on. The feds/our state/our region is transforming the system. It is my job to make sure that my agency complies with its changes. This week also marks a series of trainings that I will lead as well as J's mom's big fundraiser walk and subsequent BBQ, for which he and I are responsible. Next week brings forth the new quarter. I currently have 120 students waiting to be inspired. In a few days, they will look to me for knowledge, entertainment, and guidance. I hope that I am up to all of these challenges as they arise.

I am frustrated with myself because I have done little over the past few days to prepare for each of these events. Instead, I do nothing. J noted the same the other day and inquired as to whether or not I had a game plan. As usual, I do not. I trust myself though and know I will get things done.

In college, I always did better when under pressure. If not taking enough credits and given the opportunity to be distracted, I would slack. When overwhelmed and trying to do too much, I aced my classes. It seems that I succeed when I have to. Otherwise, I do not get much done. I tend to sign e-mails and cards with 'S'. One of my buddies from college used to say that the 'S' meant 'Slacker'. He was an excellent motivator for me, as well as a good friend. I'll have you know that not only did I kick his butt in every class, but I also graduated a full year before he got around to doing the same.

J says that I shine when under pressure. He said, "I think you need the demands. You like the chaos. You're good at doing too much and balancing things". Perhaps I am just resting up this week and getting ready for the next few days...

Perhaps I am just awaiting my moment to shine...