Vocation

My internal debate regarding my career — well, I wouldn’t exactly call it a career (but how cool would it be to have one of those?) — lets call it “vocational situation” continues….Seems like it always will.

J and I went to dinner with my parents tonight. I anticipated some feedback regarding my situation from them, as they each usually have plenty to say about things. From most people’s perspectives, my parents have done pretty well in life. They are both hard workers. They have a nice house. They live in a good neighborhood. They are able to go on vacations. They can afford their trips to the local coffee stand….It seems like they have done things the correct way: they’ve made enough money to live comfortably. Therefore, I figure that any advice they have regarding my employment situation should at least be considered.

As expected, my mother suggested that I think things through and play it safe. She tends to be a bit nervous and advised me have a plan before I make a move that could compromise my lifestyle — not bad advice. Not bad at all. My father, on the other hand, took his typical stance. He said, “Take a chance. You’re only young once. Drop the day job and live. In ten years, you’re only going to be ten years older, have a larger mortgage and owe more money on more possessions”. He is right. All of that is true. J talks about getting a boat one day. I may have children to support in a few years. I am sure my list of debt and obligations will only increase with age…

The thing is that my father gave me similar advice in the past. At that time, I thought that I knew what was best for me. It was not that I did not comprehend his sentiment or anything; I just thought that I was ready for more. I now I see that I may have short-changed myself. You see, I recognize that I have rushed through life. I even continue to do that now. I rushed through school, rushed into marriage, rushed into buying a house, rushed into teaching, rushed into management, etc. Typically, my rushes seem to pay off and, in general, I am satisfied with my current status. I also seem to be doing fairly well in life when compared to my peers.

The issue is that I have missed some things while I was so busy rushing to get to the next step in life. I think I have missed out on a lot of fun. I have probably also sacrificed some amazing experiences while trying to accomplish that which I thought I should do next. After all, what is wrong with having fun? Who cares if one gets his or her degree at age 20 versus age 30? At the end, does it really matter? Similarly, at the end, will it matter if I own one home versus two? Do I really care if I own this or that if I can spend more time having fun? Western society dupes us into believing that happiness will exist if one has this or that or looks a certain way, etc. I have always known that is not true, as I find more excitement in the silly things in life rather than from that which is expected. For example, I find more joy in a trip to the pumpkin farm than I do on a luxury cruise. Similarly, I get more excited about finding R’s favorite toy so that he can play than I do finding $20 in the laundry. Yet, despite knowing this, I always feel like I need to be accomplishing more. I need to achieve this or that. I suppose, at some level, I am working to capture the American Dream. The whole thing is rather ridiculous.

Tomorrow I will continue dialoging with my boss regarding my future at my company. I started the conversation with her last week, as I wanted to warn her that I took on two classes next quarter, which compromises my ability to continue in my position effectively. I wanted her to know that I am considering other opportunities.

I hope that as our conversation continues, I remember both of my parents’ advice. I hope that I keep in mind that I have time to decide. I hope that I do not rush. I hope that I make the correct decision for me….