So, for tonight's entertainment, I transcribe a brief text message conversation:
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Other Person: Drunk dial?
(My thoughts: hmm...who is this? Does he/she think I drunk dialed him/her? Is he/she asking permission to talk to me?...Hmm...it is amusing everyone contacts me when "chemically inconvenienced").
Me: Who are you?
OP: [Identifies him/her self as one of my very cool cousins (btw, I have about 6,000)].
(My thoughts: Oh, he/she clearly did not mean to reach me--but cool).
Me: Huh....:)
OP: Vh...Nevermind. I guess I have the wrong number. I was looking for my cool cousin.
(My thoughts: Although I'd like to be that person, he clearly texted the wrong girl).
Me: Oh, that is K. I'm the lame cousin grading papers [yes, on a Saturday night].
OP: Bummer! How is it going?
(My thoughts: Dude-- how is it going?! I just said I am grading papers. Bleh! But-- cool to hear from him/her just the same. It is amusing he/she is messaging me while seemingly drunk.)
Me: Good. How about you?
OP: Fantastic! [OP's significant other] thinks that we should go home, but I want a burger.
(My thoughts: How freakin' funny is this? Texting me while out with SO. What an idiot! Clearly drunk. I should find my car keys in case he/she needs a ride. Should I offer him/her a ride? Hell, he/she makes more in a week than I do in a month, he/she can grab a cab. No really, I hope he/she would call if he/she needed one. Ah...this is amusing. I love it. I need to do a better job of keeping in contact with OP).
Me: You are texting me while out with [SO]? Lame! I hope you are drunk. Be safe, have fun, enjoy the eats.
OP: Thanks! You too. Have sweet dreams.
(My thoughts: Did that make sense? No....Not really. Actually, not at all. What a nerd! I love it!! How freakin' sweet is OP drunk. Again, I need to hang out with him/her more often. Too awesome).
Me: You make me smile... :)
OP: Sweet!!
(My thoughts: Ah, really...he/she does make me smile....)
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Keep the drunk dialin' comin' people. It cracks me up. Remember though, kids: be safe, have fun, and be responsible. Wear your seat belts and friends don't let friends drink and drive.
4 comments:
I have literally, very little recollection of this conversation. I did get a burger, it was great. Okay, that's not true. I remember it all.
I was out with my SO- AKA my ICE, I hope you have one of those in your cell phone. I'v been told that it is very important so if something happens to you the authorities can use your phone to contact someone who will give a damn.
We were having some very boring drinks with some very boring people, who were visiting from out of town and at a very loud place so I couldn't really participate in the conversation and I remembered how you had said at one point that you wished, dare i say dreamed that you were on my drunk dial list. (sadly- I don't really have a list, my ICE is the one and she is usually there to drive me home... or I am home and don't need a driver.) Anywhoo, to fill my time I half drunk dialed you.
And for the record, while I may make more money than you- actually, to be honest, I probably pay my ex-wife more to be my ex-wife... but I digress... I have sold my soul for my chicken shit career of BS that I can't even explain. I do absolutely nothing for the good of humanity nor civilization, nor even the whores in my prostitution zone neighborhood. I am jealous of you. Your chosen path. You are to be admired.
I should have invited you out, but sadly at 11:30 on a Sat night. I went home. Ate my Dicks cheeseburgers with a glass of wine, and watched SNL on my ginormous flatscreen tv with my hot young SO.
Okay... only some of that last paragraph is true. Which part is for you to decide.
And we should hang out.
Gin Hahn,
T
PS- What got me thinking about you in the first place was that your exact twin was sitting at a table across the room. I even had to ask my SO if it was you. CRAZY.
T,
So, really-- the whole things was quite amusing and made my night-- in a way. As for the ICE thing: it is a good idea. I actually have "Mom and Dad" and "Husband" listed in my cell phone. When M died, his ID listed him from California. The only reason emergency personnel were able to notify J's family of his death in such a timely matter was because M listed their parents as "Mom and Dad" in his cell phone. Firefighters recognized it as a local area code and then looked up the number. I hope no one ever has to look for those ICE-type numbrs for either one of us--- ever.
If you do ever form a drunk dial list, I do hope that I will be included. It seems that I am on many people's lists. Also, if you're completely sober, but bored out of your mind, I am good with being on a "Bored Out of My Mind" list too.
As for the money thing, it really doesn't matter. Perhaps if we morphed our careers together, the result would be a career worth sticking with. Perhaps we'd stumble upon something that could both pay the bills and lead to personal satisfaction while making a difference in the world...I don't know. As for paying your ex-wife to be your ex-wife....well, I don't know much about that whole thing, but from my perspective, it seems like the best investment you've ever made, as the T I remember from when I was little is back and I love him.
Gin Hahn!
(P.S. -- Did she have brown hair? 'Cause that is what I am sporting these days...)
Thank You.
And I did remember the hair thing, but it was so dark in there that I wasn't able to tell.
Do you remember the Sienfeld episode where Kramer saw Joe Dimaggio in the coffee shop and tries to get his attention by banging on the table and making bird noises? Well, that was me, trying to get "not you" to look over. Probably pretty funny. Or annoying.
BTW-
Thanks for not mentioning how pathetic it is for a person of my age to be drunk dialing or messaging anyone.
Gin Hahn,
T
Glad to see that I am not the only one who drunk dials. I now have to give my phone up or leave it in the car. My poor sister has had too many nights of my singing into her voice mail. Some people's kids.
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