Present

J and I went to Target tonight-- it was an ordinary trip. We needed some toilet paper, laundry detergent and some vitamins. It only took a few minutes, as I was cranky. Neither J nor I wanted to deal with the crowds and we had a mission. After we purchased our items, I heard, "Hi, Ms. B". As I turned, I saw on of my pupils behind a register. She sits in my morning class third to the left in the front row.

Much like last quarter, I find myself learning a little bit more about my students each day. Today, I learned Ms. Third-from-the-Left works at Target and is not embarrassed to talk to me outside of class. I would never have known she was there. I was in a bad mood and was oblivious. I was further caught off-guard by the fact that she called me "Ms. B"...hee hee. Yet, now I know she works at Target and will look for her next time I shop there. Somehow, she is more of a person to me now. I was pleased to see her outside of our 9:00 meeting time. I am also pleased by the fact that she acknowledged my presence--that she seemed happy I was there.

Similarly, I have another student who has taken up writing to me over the past few days. She made a comment in class the other day that concerned me. She was down on herself and life. Instead of minding my own business, I pulled her aside and commented regarding my concerns. I told my student that she should lighten up and give herself a break. I informed her that even if she is down and does not believe in herself--I do. She must have needed me to say that at that time, as she has e-mailed me several times over the past few days to vent. I am happy to listen to her thoughts. I think she needs encouragement. I think, as an instructor, it is more important for me to teach my students how to think independently, stand up for their beliefs, and to care about the world than it is to teach them about facts they can access from a textbook. It is important for me, as an instructor, to be present. I hope that my presence in her life helps her through her conflicts.

It is funny to me how easily I am side-tracked when teaching. I do not understand why I become so intimidated each quarter. I am a good teacher. Although my classroom presentations continue to need a few improvements here and there, it does not matter. I try. I care. I am invested in my students. I am present....

Today reminded me that my presence is at least welcomed, if not even appreciated.