Differences

My husband and I just got back from our brief "vacation". The vacation took us up and down the coast of Washington and into Canada. We were joined by my husband's family -- an adventure unlike anything we have ever embarked on before.

The details of our trip are few, as it was overall uneventful. I can tell you; however, that we ate well, drank too much, and saw what I believe to be some of the most beautiful scenery in the world. The Pacific Northwest is gorgeous--plain and simple.

Throughout the duration of our little rendezvous, I found myself contemplating the dynamics of my husband's family. As I looked around the table each night, I saw several completely different personalities with little in common other than their bloodline and distant memories. They no longer know what happens in each other’s daily lives. They are unsure of the fine details regarding each other’s vocations. They are not involved in each other's lives on a regular basis. They see each other on holidays (if they can manage it) and that is about it. They are, by many people's standards, a typical American family.

We were lucky in that there were no major conflicts while we were gone. We ate meals together, allowed each other the freedom to be alone and posed for pictures as designated. My husband's sister and I even had a special afternoon where we drank mojitos until we could not stop giggling. In fact, when we appeared to dinner that night, his brother (whom we had not seen all day) immediately asked, "Have you two been drinking together?" to which we both just burst into laughter in response.

Yet, although we all got along, it seemed that some members of the family were disappointed by the family's dynamics. Some wanted us to spend more time together. Others thought that our balance of independent and group activities was perfect. Some thought that we should have participated in additional group activities...
The fact is that my husband's family is no Brady Bunch. The children (and elders alike) have strong personalities that are drastically different from one another. Sometimes these personalities clash and at other times they compliment each other nicely. As an outsider, it was easy for me to recognize each family member's frustrations with the others. It was interesting to me that each member's vision of what the family ought to be does not seem to match its actuality. Yet, each person seemed to try to compensate for the gap between his or her vision and reality. It was also intriguing to me to consider how each of my husband's siblings could be so different from one another despite their common upbringing.

I often wonder what my family (provided I am blessed with children of my own) will be like in fifteen, twenty, or even thirty years from now. Will my children be similar? Will they vacation together? Will I want to spend time with them? How often will we get together? I hope that learn to accept my children's differences. I hope that I am able to enjoy them for the wonderful people that I know I will raise. If they do not turn out quite as planned, I hope that I enjoy them anyway. I hope, like my husband's family, they can compliment each other despite their distance and differences.

Most of all, however, I hope that I recognize how wonderful my life is and do not try to worry about others’ expectations. As Sheryl Crow says in the lyrics of one of her songs, "It not having what you want, its wanting what you've got"...