Chaos

Classes start again tomorrow. A part of me is excited, another is nauseous. For me, there is a lot of pressure at the beginning of the quarter. Did I copy everything? Is my syllabus compliant with each department's regulations? Did I include everything in the document that I wanted and still allow myself loopholes to modify things as the quarter progresses? Will I be able to make it to work on time from class? Will I remember each person's name? Will I have time for a life? My friends? My marriage? My sanity?

Other questions play in my mind as well: Will my students like me? Will I like them? Why didn't I switch texts, as I hate the one we use? Should I be trying to teach two classes and work a day job?...the list goes on and on...

The past couple of days have been occupied by re-reading texts, re-organizing my lesson plans, and re-writing lectures. It seems as if my thoughts will not slow down. I am dissatisfied with everything I create-- always wanting to change and improve things. I want to challenge my students without having my class occupy their lives completely. I want the class to be fun for both my students and myself. I want them to learn. I want them to be inspired. Most of all, I want to make them think.

I also hope that my students may inspire me too. I hope that they are not simply in my class to receive a grade. I hope they participate. I hope that the chaos currently transpiring in my mind is worth it...