Contemplation

I know this guy who sometimes comes across as a bit primitive in his thinking regarding gender roles. In reality, I think that his expectations are probably pretty reasonable, but sometimes when he talks—well, he sounds a bit archaic. I love listening to his expectations of his significant other. I actually think that, given their current circumstances, his expectations are fair. Despite this, I like to make femi-nazi comments towards him and question his thought processes.

Over the past week or so, I have been thinking about why I feel the compulsion to challenge this man’s views. It is not that I think that he needs to change his thought processes, as they seem to be right for him. He also is not trying to make me fit in his mold, thus it has nothing to do with me. I think that my need to discuss things with him comes from my knowledge that, in my own relationship, I do not meet these high expectations. I suppose that there is some part of me that worries that all men have the same expectations and that my husband is not happy with me because I am not at home cooking and ironing all day. I would like to think that there is some flexibility in the male viewpoint. With that in mind, I suppose if I can change this one guy’s thought process then there may be some hope for me….Then again, maybe I just enjoy the banter…

One of the terms this man often uses is “dainty”. Another is “ladylike”. Both of those qualities, it seems, are important to him in a partner. He seems to want his woman to be feminine and loving. Perhaps he wants someone to take care of him and be affectionate, but still wants to maintain some responsibility for caring for her outside of the home. I am not really sure. I am nowhere near being dainty or ladylike myself. I think I am too lazy to be either of those. I refuse to spend more than about a half-hour getting ready each day and swear way too much (something I just decided I am going to work on). I will wear wrinkled clothes and own only about three skirts. I just donated my last dress to charity. I rather go play in the dirt outside then bake a pie….It isn’t that I don’t wish I were more feminine, I am just not that way…

The other day, I told my husband about the on-going discussion I have had with this man. We talked about the roles in our relationship and how they might compare to those in other relationships. I asked my husband what two words he would use to describe me. Without hesitation, he replied, “sassy and assertive”. Wow! No time to contemplate that at all, just “sassy and assertive”. I do not know how I feel about that description. Am I okay with the fact that he did not think of me as caring? Did not describe my appearance? How do I feel about the fact that those are the first two words that came to his mind? Do I want those words to change?

Something for me to contemplate…