big girl panties

To my loyal audience-- beware: I was a bit ticked off as I wrote the following-- it is anything but ladylike...Read at your own risk.
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Clearly, I have a lot of opinions. Sometimes, I think that my ability to speak my mind is one of my biggest assets. At other times, I think it is a handicap of sorts. From either perspective, it is obvious that this ability or curse (depending on one's perception) is a part of my essence. It definitely makes up a core piece of my personality.

Recently, I have endured an experience that has left me with a lot to say. I am not a happy camper about a situation at work. I am getting screwed. It irritates me. Yet, there is nothing I can do about it except "to put on my big girl panties" (as my friend G would say) and deal with things while smiling and pretending I do not care. For the most part, this method has worked for me. Until last week. Last week, I became overwhelmed and I asked for help. Instead of receiving the assistance I needed, I was told to deal with things because others were on vacation.

I am sorry, but I never freakin' take vacation and this work is not a part of my job. I do not get paid to worry about these things. I would never have signed up for such responsibilities. I may be dumb, but I am not completely stupid. So, as far as I am concerned, others' vacations can kiss my toosh. I do not really give a rip where so-and-so wants to be to go see such-and-such a concert. I do not really care if he or she wants to be on the road by eight and my request might keep him or her here until 9. He/she makes $20,000 more per year than I do, so, as far as I am concerned, he/she can deal with this...---these are the thoughts I had in the first 1/16th of a second. I had so many things to say. So many people to say them to....

For whatever reason, my gut told me to keep my mouth shut. I did not say anything. I was good. Instead, I got in my car, grabbed a coffee and went for a drive. Thankfully, when I returned to work, one of my co-workers distracted me. I was able to keep my mouth shut for the remainder of the day. That night, I contemplated talking to those at the top of the totem pole in an effort to gain some assistance. Again, my gut told me not to do this. I sought the advice of some of my most wise confidants whom advised me to follow my gut and remain silent, which I did.

I am not sure if this is the right move or not, but I am surviving.

It is strange when one denies a core part of his or her personality. It is difficult for me not to scream about injustices. It is almost impossible for me not to burst at the seams with frustration. I feel as if I am ripping myself off-- betraying my essence, if you will. Yet, I also know that it takes an enormous amount of energy to remain angry about something so stupid. This whole situation will be a distant memory in a month or two. In the end, those whom are not meeting their responsibilities will eventually fail when others do not complete their work for them. They will eventually be seen as the fools they are. Until then, I will do a good job. I will be a team player. I will be an excellent and dedicated employee. I will, however, be taking a few random hours off here and there. I will be hanging out with those at work. I will go see movies. I will pull pranks. I will take time to have fun in an effort to make things more bearable. I will not be making excuses.

I will put on a smile, work hard and pretend that it does not bother me....