Balls

Everyone seems to have a term for it -- the process of finding that bravery that is deep within an individual. Some people associate this bravery with masculinity. At our house, it is called "growing kishkas". I have no idea if that is spelled correctly.

As mentioned previously, in an effort to improve life I have taken some chances lately. I would say that these changes have required me to "grow some kishkas" regarding a few things. For the most part, I am happy with the changes. I joined the soccer team -- yea for getting some exercise and meeting people (I am terrified of people), but boo for spraining my ankle in the very first game (yes, you read that correctly-- the first darn game!). I quit my job to try another -- yea for leaving my comfort zone and gaining some decent hours, boo for leaving my friends and those whom I adore. Although I am proud of myself for utilizing the kishkas, as always, I am re-thinking things...

This period of reflection was inspired by an e-mail I received today. The community college offered me three classes. With this e-mail comes another choice: You see, when an instructor teaches three classes, he or she is considered to be a full-time faculty member and receives payment to match that status. Therefore, if I were to accept the three classes, I would be able to leave my job in the mental health field to pursue a full-on career in academia -- my ultimate goal. The other special part of being an adjunct faculty member, however, is that one is not guaranteed a classload beyond the current quarter. Thus, although I may be full-time this quarter, things may not be the same next quarter...Unfortunately, I have a mortgage so no income is not an option. Further, I am not sure it would be right for me to resign from a job that I have yet to begin. I am also not convinced I have the kishkas to do so.

So, at this point, I need to make a decision: Do I want to take the risk? Should I accept all three classes? Should I risk everything? Do I have the kishkas? Or, is smarter to take one or two classes and balance my teaching responsibilities with my clinical work? Where is the line between having kishkas and being foolish?

How will I recognize the difference?