Insecure

Research and testimonies confirm that it is a part of the typical PhD experience to feel insecure. Well, let me tell you, dear reader, that I am clearly the typical student.

While my grades are perfect thus far in the program, I find myself questioning my ability to understand the concepts thrown at me, my application of skills, as well as what the hell I am even doing pursuing another degree. I am in awe of my cohort members and view myself as so incredibly different from them that I, at times, do not see how we can be members of the same group.

I worry about how I will get all my work done. I am concerned about my dissertation. I wonder if I am sacrificing the opportunity to have children, a meaningful family life, and to enjoy this period of my life for the quest of something I think I "ought" to do. At the same time, however, I *think* I am fulfilling some long-standing distant dream and maybe even cultivating a bit of my potential.

This is a time of confusion. It is a time of exhaustion. It is a time of contemplation too. While I am pleased to be pushing myself, I hope I've made the correct decision too.