15th

For a plethora of reasons, the past two months have been a challenging journey full of peaks and lows. J and I have worked harder than we should and have met numerous obligations. Our goal, together, was to make it through April 15th. We did. I will not speak for him, but I am proud of us.

One of the tasks that took a great deal of my own personal effort was to apply to graduate school once again. Although I was accepted into a number of programs about a year ago, none of them felt quite right. Last Spring, however, I found one that captivated my attention and seemed like a good fit for my life. The application was due in January. I collected reference letters, completed the numerous applications (yes, as in several) and completed several writing samples for the graduate school, the specific department of interest, etc. By the time my packet was complete, I questioned if I should even turn it in, as I was already exhausted. I figured since I bothered others to complete the materials, I might as well go ahead and do so. Therefore, I did.

Much to my surprise, I was invited for an interview. My friend, AJ (THANKS SO MUCH) agreed to accompany me as to ensure I made it there safely, to keep me calm, and to distract me if it seemed warranted. I learned that the interview was five hours long and that each applicant was to bring a video of him or herself in a counseling session. Again, I thought about backing out of the process. I sometimes have severe social phobias and the mere idea of putting myself in a five hour interview, part of which was to a group interview, was terrifying. AJ and J would not hear of it though.

On the day of the interview, I was both nervous and calm at the same time. In the morning, my tummy was upset, but once I made it to the facility, I became more relaxed. As I ran into other applicants and faculty, I found myself to be engaging and truly excited to be there. Throughout the interview(s), I fluctuated between silliness (which is what happens when I am nervous) and brilliance. During my formal individual interview, the panel took diligent notes as I spoke - until I discussed my desired dissertation topic. At that point, one man took a red card out of his pocket asked me to repeat a statistic I referenced, made note of the same, and then placed the card back in his pocket. No one took notes from that point on until the conclusion of our meeting.

As I walked out of the building to meet my friend AJ, I felt relief pour over me. I was excited that I made it through the day. I was proud of myself for presenting myself in a light that was genuine to my character. I did not spend any time during the day sucking up to anyone. I had not provided answers that were tailored to how I thought faculty thought I ought to answer them, but instead focused on being honest to my clinical orientation. I felt comfortable enough with my own knowledge to respectfully disagree with other candidates when appropriate. I recall that afternoon being one of excitement, as I faced a challenging situation that scared me, but also one of questioning, as I did not know how I really did in the interview.

I decided to be okay with either outcome, as I put my best foot forward and had been true to myself. At the end of the day, that is all I really can be.

I was to find out the results of my interview on the 9th. I received no correspondence. I heard nothing on the 10th, or the 11th, or the 12th either. Finally, late on the 13th, I received an email. As it turns out: I'm in.

I start school in June. I cannot wait!