Care

I received the news yesterday that one of my high school classmates passed away. To be honest, I never really knew him well and certainly haven't talked with him since we left those green halls many years ago. With that, I do recall some things about him and his death bothers me -- a lot. I recall the man being one of the 'cool kids' -- something I was not. He was funny, outgoing, and had a sharp tongue (a trait I admired).

I recently found this man on Facebook (shut up!). He was fine last week. He posted about his hand surgery and things happening in his life. He commented a day or two later that he had the flu. On Sunday, friends found him alone in his apartment -- already gone.

It seems that I've dealt with a lot of death. My grandpa passed away several years ago, J's brother not too long after that, and even his mother just a few weeks ago. Yet, although I've experienced death and the associated sadness and emptiness that accompanies it, it is never the same. From an intellectual standpoint, I understand the stages of mourning. I get that death affects people. I guess I am just having a hard time wrapping my head around how much.

I am not sure if I am having a more difficult time conceptualizing this man's departure from this world because he was my age and my mortality seems more obvious now or if it is because one moment he was fine and now he is not. Again, I have a hard time processing the whole situation.

At any rate, it has me thinking. I do not like to say much to those around me when it comes to my personal emotions. I am not great at letting others know what they mean to me. However, in honor of my friend, I'd like to make a better effort. For those of you whom actually know me as a real person, thank you for allowing me to be a part of your lives. I consider it an honor. Please know that I value you and I really do care.