Menses

Some odd interactions in which I have been involved recently:

1. Me: What would you like to drink with dinner tonight,V?
My 2-year old Nephew: Champagne.
Me: What?
Nephew: CHAM-PAIN!
My thought: What the hell?

2. Me: What is that you're drinking?
A: (Insert specific alcoholic beverage's name here) -- it is a beer with tomato juice in it.
Me: huh
N: It looks like you're drinking a period -- that is disgusting.
My thoughts (and A's too): Holy hell!!
N: Lets drink to our periods. Yay menses! Cheers!
My thought: Is that her vodka? Holy hell-- again.

3. Student: (who just happens to be very flamboyantly gay) So, this test we're having this week...Are your tests hard?
Me: I do not think so.
Student: hmmm...well, there is this totally hot guy, Michael, and he finally called me and wants to hook up tonight, but I
have to decide between that and studying...
My thought: Dude.

4. Psychotic man: *@!!S! screaming **%@!**
Me: Hi. Are you okay?
Psychotic man: (confused) um...yeah.
Me: I couldn't help but notice that you're yelling a lot.
Psychotic man: I am yelling at God so he can hear me.
Me: (having no actual clinical responsibility in said situation) I hear that God responds a bit better when you talk to him in a soft voice -- that is why everyone talks softly in churches. You should try it. Use your inside 'prayer voice' to talk with God.
Psychotic Man: Okay.
My thought: Finally. He is quiet. Now I can work.

5. Phlebotomist: (after withdrawing damn near 1/2 of my blood supply) Do you have someone here with you?
Me: Um...no. I am fine.
Phlebotomist: What have you had to eat today?
Me: A lot. I had a coffee. Some crackers. Chicken salad. Oh, and a cookie on the way here.
Phelbotomist: I think you should hang out here for a minute.Your hands are clammy.
Me: Oh. I am fine. My hands always get gross. Sorry. I get nervous pretty easily and am terrified of needles.
Phlebotomist: You should get over that - it looks like you're supposed to come in every 6 weeks.
Me: Yeah. I only come in when my doctor threatens me. I do not need a bunch of holes in me.
Phlebotomist: Okay. Well, do me a favor and take a break here for awhile.
Me: No, really. I am cool. I have yet to pass out on you. I'm gonna take off.
Phlebotommist. You're pretty cute. I want you back here in 6 weeks per the doctor's order.
Me: See ya next time my refills run out.