Off

Taking care of myself is not one of my strengths -- I suppose it never was and suspect it never will be. I wish I were a little better to myself though -- a little better to those around me as well. I make an effort to slow down here and there, but lose sight of this goal rather quickly and easily when distracted by the chaos of my everyday existence.

The past several weeks were difficult for me. There was nothing out of the ordinary about them -- I am just doing too much. I stated in previous posts that I like the chaos of too much. In many ways, I stand by that comment. With that said, I realize that this mode of living is silly. If one does not slow down to enjoy that which is around him or her on occasion, the rest is pointless. It is for this reason that I try to make a concerted effort to slow down.

There is a gentleman I know through work. He is one of those guys that has a fancy little PDA of some sort although his eyes are too old and too worn out to see the gadget properly and he is too inattentive or graceful to use the it. The man, in many ways, is a dork. There is no other way to describe him. Most of that which he says to me either: a.) never processes because it is not worth processing or b.)is dismissed -- because I am a brat and he is arrogant. You see, this man likes to talk himself up. He clearly feels inadequate and works very hard to disguise the same. During a typical hour meeting with him, he mentions his past positions often, refers to his degree, and then makes a not-so-sly comment about his current working conditions (he is semi-retired). I used to try to understand him. Now, on the rare occasion I must endure him, I simply take his presence with a grain of salt.

A few months ago, as he babbled along, this man mentioned scheduling his vacations for the next five years. 'The next five years?!?', I thought, 'How can one know where he or she will be in 5 years let alone what type of vacation he or she will want?" As I rushed to dismiss another one of this man's weird comments, I stopped and actually thought about it: scheduling time to rest/time for vacation-- what a novel idea. Although the man's comments were not particularly insightful, as he was simply using the conversation as a vehicle to brag about his airline miles, I thought about scheduling time. If I schedule time in each day to do nothing, will I eventually condition myself to do the same? Why don't I prioritize time to go to the gym, read a book, or spend times with friends like I do attending a meeting, going to class, etc.? Why do I find it okay to write some tasks down and to prioritize them while I find it ridiculous and self-serving to write down others? Perhaps, beyond the arrogance and insecurities, this man I speak of is actually on to something (even if not his intention).

In an effort to be better to myself in 2008, I started planning for it a bit. I looked ahead to see when I am on Spring Break from school. Once I had the dates, I walked into my boss's office at my 'day job' and requested the same week off. That's right-- no work at all for one full week. I am going on vacation. This time, however, I am not compromising. I will not be vacationing with the in-laws (no offense) and will not be embarking on a work-related venture. I am being selfish. I have no interest in pleasing others. In March of 2008, there will be one week where it will be all about me-- yep, I said it, all about me. I do not care if I sound spoiled either.

I mentioned my actions to J. He replied, 'Great. I'll take the week off too'. Wow! A week off together. What shall we do? We immediately began discussing projects around the house -- rebuild the deck, re-landscape the lawn, etc. Then, it hit me. I scheduled time for nothing, not for work. I announced to J that I planned to go on our honeymoon. You see, we failed to do the same when we got married, as we were too busy working. J commented that he thought going on a honeymoon would be nice, but he does not feel comfortable leaving his mother. Fair enough.

A few days later, I spoke with J's mother online (she is no longer verbal). She asked me what was new. I told her I will take a week of in March. She was surprised by the same. She replied, "Great. Now you and J will take your honeymoon". I found it interesting that she would make the comment and then told her that we decided against doing the same. She instinctively knew that we did not want to go because we fear that she may not be doing well at that time. She replied, "I don't plan on dying that soon. You should go. I want the chance to hear about it. I want to live vicariously through you".

I told J about the conversation. We agreed to discuss the option more. We did the same over the past weekend. We both agreed it would be wonderful to have a honeymoon of some sort. J would like to go somewhere warm (ick!) and I would like to go somewhere with culture. Somewhere in Europe sounds like a good choice -- although where I have no idea.

Tonight I did a few Internet searches with to no avail. I am just as lost as I was an hour ago. Where does one start this whole planning process? How much time do I have to dedicate to the same? How do we decide? At this point, I am too overwhelmed. Do you have any suggestions?

I am not sure if we will go anywhere. I am not sure if the time is right. I am not sure that J can get the time off either. It is nice to daydream about travelling though. Whether we go away for our long-awaited honeymoon or not, I am sure that I will be taking time off....

and it will be spectacular....