Lines

J and I have some clear lines drawn in our relationship. There are some situations in which he is clearly the boss. There are others in which I am clearly the boss. If we were to purchase a vehicle, for example, J would decide which makes and models would be acceptable. I would decide which color would be okay. When we bought our most recent vehicle, I thought it would be swell to purchase a Passat. Afterall, they're cute. J's response, "Hell no!". Once he approved a car to buy, he thought we should buy it in white. My response, "I don't think so".

There are some situations, however, that neither of us step up to the plate and take control. An example:

"Hey, I am hungry. Wanna grab something to eat?"
"Sure"
"Great. What do you want?"
"I don't know. What do you want to eat?"
"I don't know. What do you want?"
"I don't know. What do you want?"...etc., until one of us finally says, "If you don't make a decision right now, I swear!..."

The times of conflict arise, usually, when we're discussing something stupid -- something neither of us really cares about, but when each of us isn't convinced the other one is competent to make a decision either. During such instances, we're snippy to each other, but neither becomes angry. We simply engage in a series of exchanges to put each other in our places.

A minor conflict, if one could even give it that much credit, occurred today. Actually, it was a simple interaction in which neither of us was upset, but it may have seemed worse than it was to the untrained eye. Here is how it went:

J and S are at the store. While looking at items to give a person as a holiday gift, they have a difference in opinion:

J: "Hey, about this one?. This has both colors the person wants. Lets get this one and get out of here".

S: "You're right those are the right colors, but that is not what the person wants. Slow down a little".

J: "This is fine. It is close. Let's go".

S: "No. It is not what the person wants. Pay attention. Just because it is the correct color doesn't make it right-- that is stupid. If you wanted a two-door red Mustang, you wouldn't be happy with a red two-door Geo Metro. Stop being cheap".

J: "First of all, I don't like the way you're talking to me. Secondly, I am not being cheap. You're the one that won't buy such-and-such for so-and-so and will instead run around town looking for it cheaper. So, don't call me cheap. Feel free to apologize at any time".

S: "You're right. Sorry. Let me correct you though regarding your mistake: I haven't run around town looking for such-and-such. I simply talked about that, so I haven't wasted time nor am I being cheap. I just haven't decided what I want to do regarding that. So, YOU can apologize to me at any time".

J: "Sorry".

The lady a few feet from us in the aisle: "I am 70 years old and a counselor. I just listened to your interaction using my 'professional' ear. I have to say that was the most surgically implanted guilt I've ever witnessed".

My response: Huh?
J's response: amusement

J and S's interaction:
Dysfunctional? perhaps....
Entertaining? apparently...