Engagements

Over the past few weeks, three individuals I know have announced their engagements to me. Hooray for them -- I suppose.

The thing is, I do not think that any of the couples should marry (not that it matters what I think). The first couple has a member in it that is not capable of having an adult mature collaborative relationship at this time. The person needs to become less selfish and to mature quite a bit. In the second couple, there is a female with very low self-esteem and a man whom is both a cheater and borderline abusive towards her. In my mind, that is not a good match. One of the members in the final couple is STILL married. Therefore, a new engagement seems a bit rushed.

My opinion, however, is insignificant. All of the couples will be married. The fact is that I should not have an opinion either, as I am certainly not an expert in the realm of marriage, nor do I have enough life experience to comment in too much detail about the same. The thing that bothers me about each situation is that I feel that at least one member in each pending union is hesitant about the marriage.

Why is it that people feel the need to be engaged? Why does everyone seem to rush to the alter? Is the need to be married a product of the human condition or of our culture? Is marriage more than a piece of paper? Can one not have an equally committed relationship without the license? Why do people REALLY get married?

J and I often talk about our own marriage. If we could rewind time, I think we may decide to delay our wedding. This is not to say that we would not have married eventually, but we would have allowed ourselves to grow up a bit, to figure out what we wanted to do, etc. The great thing about J and I is that we recognize that, in some ways, we stifled each other. It is an aspect of our relationship that challenges us.

I suspect that the couples referred to above may not be as honest as J and I are with each other. Will this cause conflicts? Will the couples become bitter with each other? Will they resent each other over time?

Why can't the person in the first situation allow him/herself some time to grow up? Why can't the girl in the second situation allow herself the time to start believing in herself and to determine if she is choosing the man she deserves? Why can't the person in the third scenario allow him/herself to be alone for awhile? What is wrong with figuring out who one is? What is the harm in allowing one the time to heal?

I worry that we sometimes grasp onto anything we can grab out of the fear that we may not be able to grab onto something else in the future. I worry that, sometimes, we perpetuate our own dysfunction....