Britney

The first few weeks of each quarter are a bit terrifying for me. I do not know any of the people before me and worry that since they do not know me as a person, they may not appreciate me for me. It is possible that they may not get my jokes, may not care for the way I present information, etc. The worse case scenario is that the student may drop my class. This possibility really should not matter to me. Quite frankly, once the class starts at the beginning of the quarter, it goes on. I will attend each day as long as students continue to show up to listen to what I have to say. Further, once the quarter starts, regardless of attendance, I get paid.

I find that my anxiety begins to subside once I get to know students’ names. Once the individual before me starts to become an actual person – a person that I can identify, he or she is not as intimidating to me. At this point, I am five days into the quarter. I probably know about 10 names in each class. I will learn the others in due time, but right now all of the people before me (minus those 10 or so exceptions in each class) look about the same to me. At this point, unless a student is either being really annoying or participating a lot, he or she is just another pair of eyeballs staring at me. I do not know who is ditching. I cannot tell if they are bored. I am truly in the dark.

I have three classes this quarter: two during the day (my lunch break) and one at night. One of my weird things in class is that I like to have something to drink. It is not because I am a particularly thirsty person or anything, but it has more to do with the fact that I like to have something to do with my hands, etc. If I need a second to think about a student’s question when he or she asks it, I can take a sip of the beverage before me as I ponder my response. It is a stall tactic. I have engaged in it since the first day I began teaching and suspect it will continue it forever. It helps me cope. It is my blankie, if you will, in the world of academia.

With this habit in mind, I stopped by Starbucks on the way to class last night. I have not slept well in quite some time so I ordered a cider in an effort to avoid caffeine. Of course, I never order beverages in quite the correct order. I get confused: Does the size come first? The type of milk? Who really cares? The cashier politely corrected my order and gave me my total. I pulled up to the window. As I handed the cashier my money, I actually made eye contact with her. I recognized her eyeballs. They were one of the countless pairs that stare at me each day. The cashier said, “Hi S! What are you doing here?”. Being me, I immediately said, “Don’t spit in my drink” to which she giggled. I then told her I was on my way to class, etc. As the two of us waited for another barista to make my drink, we talked a little about neurotransmission, as that is the topic we discussed in class yesterday.

Eventually, my order was ready and another barista brought it to the window. Upon seeing me, the second barista shrieked (and I mean shrieked), “Oh my God, S! Hi!”. Turns out she is in another one of my classes. Who knew? The 2nd girl was surprised by the fact that I , you know, GO INTO PUBLIC LIKE A REAL PERSON….geesh. Both girls came and talked to me about the whole insignificant event again today.

So, last night, I was a total rock star at my local coffee house….

This must totally be what Britney feels like….