Shoot

J does not talk about work in much detail. He will usually offer me a general overview of the day and talk about particular interactions that captured his attention more than the typical call, but he does not offer specifics. To do the same would a.) take forever and b.) be illegal. He also knows that if given too much information, I will think too much. I will perseverate.

Sometimes J comes home a bit frustrated because a prosecutor lets someone slide for something he or she shouldn't. Sometimes he is disturbed by a particularly gruesome domestic violence scene he witnessed. Sometimes he is amused by the local frat boys trying to get out of a noise violation or public intoxication charge when they say "I'm in law school. I know my rights" or "My dad is a lawyer". Sometimes he will discuss particularly special activities that take place in local bars or in local parks. Sometimes he asks my opinion of a mentally ill person with whom he has contact. In general, I tend not to pry too much in J's day, as I think he wants to leave work at work and I respect that. I know that he will share as he pleases.

This weekend, J almost had to shoot someone. The young man was only 16 years old. J had little choice though as the man ran at him with a knife. As the man approached him, J yelled for him to drop the weapon. Per J's report, the man was in mere feet of him. J had to yell several times before his message clicked in the man's mind. I am thankful it did. I am grateful J did not get hurt. I am also thankful that he did not have to shoot. J is trained to shoot in the center of the mass. If he sees a head, he is supposed to shoot it in the center. If he sees an entire body, he must shoot it in the chest. It is all about the center. J's mandates do not allow for him to hit a limb. If he shoots, it with the intention to stop a perpetrator completely, not to just simply slow the person down.

I tend to ignore the seriousness of J's job. I do not like to contemplate the people he encounters or the danger that pursues him. I do not like to consider what could happen to him during a typical shift. The same frightens me. I do not like to consider that he may have to shoot...or worse...be shot.