Care

My freshman took their final tonight thus marking the end of another quarter. The day of the final is always a day of mixed emotions for me. On one hand, I am relieved that I survived another quarter. On the other, I am a bit sad. In all honesty, I really grow attached to each of my students. I learn a lot about them over our 10-12 weeks together. I wonder how they will do in future quarters. I imagine how they will turn out. I consider who they will be in 5 or 10 years. I contemplate how my class may play into those plans.

One of my student's grandmothers died this week. She is sad. One can see the loss in her eyes. I wonder how the grief will change her. Another one of my students seems to be experiencing panic attacks, which she did not have before. She had to take her test in the room across the hall tonight, as she could not handle being around her classmates. She is due to go to her primary care physician on Monday. I hope he is able to diagnosis her accurately and help her to get better soon. Another student was offered an excellent position today working in a clinic in the south end. Although it would be a great opportunity for her, she is worried about how she would handle the commute, her obligations to her family and her coursework. I wonder what she will decide to do. There are other students I am curious/concerned about too.

Several of my students took the time to say goodbye to me tonight. One man, who is in his forties, gave me a handshake and thanked me for being patient with him as he struggled with his grammar, as English is his second language. One lady, a woman whom is easily old enough to be my mother, turned in her test, said thank you with a tear in her eye and grabbed me (much to my horror) to give me a hug. Another woman stopped to tell me she enjoyed the class and was happy to have me as an instructor during her first quarter back in college after a number of years. Another man invited me to the bar he works out to "have one on [him]".

I appreciate that some of my students took a moment to say goodbye. Their efforts, whether genuine or otherwise, do mean a lot to me. I like thinking that I have had a positive impact on their lives. I like to think that I made a difference.

Before the final, I wrote, "Turn off your cell phones. Good luck on your tests! Have a good life and keep in touch if you want...:) " on the whiteboard. I hope that a few of them do. I want to know how they do. I want to know where they head in life. The thing is, as hard as I try not to, I become attached. I care....