Offer

In a moment of weakness and complete laziness, I did not grab the remote and change the channel after Grey's Anatomy last night. Consequently, I watched a portion of Oprah's Oscar Special (that is until it just became too painful to sit through any longer).

The special consisted of various actors interviewing each other in oh-so-very-relaxed settings. Julia Roberts visited George Clooney at his home and while the two grilled some eats, she asked him if he was dating anyone and he asked her if it was true that she was pregnant. Next, Nicole Kidman and Russell Crowe met up in the Presidential Suite of some posh hotel. He asked her about her husband's struggles with sobriety and she asked him about his struggles with anger. I do not really know who else was on because I had to change the channel. I was just too bored. It turns out that I do not really give a rip about those things...

The only moment of the 20 minutes of my life that I wasted watching the show that captured my attention was when Nicole asked Russell if he rather give love or receive love. I do not remember how he responded as I was too busy formulating my own response to the inquiry. If you think about it, the question is not that superficial, but can actually stimulate some thought. It is certainly deeper than "What designer do you plan to wear to the Oscars?" or "Is it true that you're dating so-and-so?".

Initially, my response to the posed question is that I tend to want to give the love. I want to take care of people. I want to make them feel special. I want them to feel supported. I want them to know that someone cares for them. I suppose, in many facets of my life, that is exactly what I do. At work, I support some of the most disenfranchised individuals of our society. At school, I will stay hours after class listening to my students if I think that doing so will make a difference and improve their outlooks on life. With my friends, I am sometimes a little too much at their beck-and-call listening, offering guidance, and trying to make them smile. At home (when we're together), I try to put aside my projects and work to make J happy by making him his favorite cookies, going for an adventure, or something similar. I want to care for others. It appears that I want to give the love...

The thing is that as strong as my desire to love others is, I still want to be loved as well. I want for people to see something and think of me. I want others to wonder how I am doing. I want for others to make me feel that I am special to them. I want to feel that if I were to leave tomorrow, I would be missed. In many situations, however, I am not sure that I allow people this opportunity. It seems that I often build up walls (for whatever reason), which sometimes makes it difficult for people to connect (and thus love) with me. To allow someone to love you, I think, requires some level of trust. It also makes one a bit more vulnerable. For example, if I allow someone to love me today thus risking that they may not do the same tomorrow, then I may have my feelings hurt. Self-esteem and faith in others can also be compromised. Consequently then, in many ways, it is sometimes easier to love others than to allow one's self to be loved.

I suppose, as with all things, love is about balance. It is important that people be allowed the opportunity to care for one another. It is crucial to one's development to learn how to care for someone else. It is important to be able to assess others' needs, consider others' perspectives, and to want to help them succeed in the world. It is equally as crucial to allow one's self to be loved. To fully evolve as an individual, it seems that one must learn to take a chance to be accepted by another. In order to accomplish each of these, it seems that a person must take a chance on him or her self and see worth. One must believe in his or her value as an individual and show the world what he or she has to offer....