Ichiro

My aunt recently wrote that Ichiro may become a free agent and leave the Seattle Mariners baseball team. One might conclude that she is a bit disappointed about the same. I do not know a whole lot about Ichiro. I am not familiar with his history and could not recite his stats, but enjoy observing him play on occasion just the same. I figure though that if my aunt gives him her stamp of approval, I can dig him too.

Interestingly enough, as I continue to consider my vocational options, I happened to stumble upon a quote by Ichiro. He said, "People talk about being successful or not being successful, but the concept of success is very ambiguous. There is no need to pursue other people’s ideas of success". To me, this seems to be a very well-balanced perspective of the world -- although I am able to intellectually understand and agree with his statement, it is still difficult for me to put into practice in my own life. I have always tried to live up to expectations. Some of those expectations have been my own. Some have belonged to others.

As I struggle with what to do regarding my career, one of my main internal conflicts surrounds my concept of success. There is a part of me that feels that I must be doing something wonderful. I feel like I am supposed to climb some type of corporate ladder, even though I truly do not have an interest in the same. I have salary expectations for myself based off of what my peers seem to make when, in reality, money has little significance to me as long as I am able to pay my bills. I think that people will judge me based off of my title. I think that they will form opinions regarding me based on their understanding of my vocation. The truth is, however, that it does not matter. The facts are: I am happy living modestly and I know that I work hard. At the end of the day, I sleep better each night knowing that I have helped others and made a difference in the world. I know that I try to do well in the world each day.

I have made choices in my life that have led me to this point. Some of those choices have been more intentional than others. I am where I am due to a combination of reflection and flukes. On some days, I think that I have done a good job and am a bit proud of that which I have accomplished thus far in my life. On other days, I am not as satisfied. This weekend, I thought a lot about my place in my family, my company, and the world at large. I realized that there are people that will never really understand what I do nor will they respect it. I realized that there are some that will not share the same concept of success as me. I realized that there are some people that will just never recognize that which I would like them to see and that their schemas of success do not match my own. As Ichiro suggests, however, it does not matter. Living up to others' definitions of success will not make me happy and is damn near impossible anyways.

Another twist in this windy road of self-reflection is that although I believe in the work that I do, I am burned out. I am considering leaving my job -- something that I consider to be one of my successes (as weird as that may sound). If I depart, I feel that I would somehow discredit the work that I do even though that is not the case. I think that I would somehow be insinuating that I am not successful in my position as well, which just is not true. Furthermore, I would have to redefine what success would look like for me in the future (which is the most terrifying and exhausting part of this whole process).

As I consider what to do and how I would reformulate my expectations of myself, I will try to remember what Ichiro suggests: I need to worry about what is important to me and need not be concerned with what others think...

At the end of the day, I only need to please myself...

At the end of the day, I only have to answer to me.