Breakdown

Well, my quarterly breakdown seems to be subsiding. Over the past few days, my life has been its own special version of hell. I think part of this may be due to the stress of the holidays, some of it may be due to strains in my relationships, and some of it may be due to the fact that tomorrow marks the beginning of Winter quarter.

It is amazing to me how well I can hold things together for so long just to have a little meltdown at the end. I suppose, however, that the ability to have a break here or there is what makes me human. Afterall, we all have weaknesses. It is not normal to be patient all of the time. It is not normal to take on others' tasks without feeling pressure. It is not normal to spread one's self too thin for an extensive period of time without repercussions. It is not normal (at least for me) to be "Lil' Miss Sunshine" on a consistent basis. Eventually, something has to give. For me, everything gave on Saturday. I have been cleaning up the mess since then.

This break was particularly special because it was more noticeable to those around me than normal. Most notably, I found myself crying -- something I do not typically do. Those around me seemed to be confused by my behavior. It just ticked me off. There is nothing that I hate more than embodying the typical female stereotype of emotional chaos. I tried to fight it, but I lost. Lucky for me, those around me remained understanding. They were patient. I think one, in particular, may have even been a little intrigued or amused.

To those of you whom have had the misfortune of coming across my path over the course of the past few days, I offer you my most humble of apologies. I promise that I will be fine. I promise to behave better next time we interact. I promise to bounce back to the person you know. Thank you for the patience. Thank you for the concern. Thank you for distractions. Thank you for the shoulder.

Thank you for letting me be human and for letting me have my little breakdown...