Genuine

About a month ago, my co-workers and I had a conversation regarding our heroes. At that time, I could think of only one person that I may have considered to be my hero. The more I think about it, however, I am not sure that I really understand what a hero is, nor am I convinced that I really want any. The term "hero", to me, somehow implies some level of idolization-- of being super-human, mythical, or even untouchable…

Although I may not have any specific heroes, there are many people whom I admire. More specifically, there are many people who maintain qualities that I admire. One of the qualities that I respect the most in a person is being real. I enjoy being around people who are true to themselves and those that they love. I am fond of individuals who do not spend a majority of their time trying to impress others. As a matter of fact, those people who tend to irritate me the most in life are those whom are posing as people that they feel others may want them to be.

To be completely honest with others, let alone one's self, is scary. Honesty leaves a person vulnerable. If a person is completely truthful about him or her self, then he or she may reveal his or her weaknesses. He or she may also reveal his or her truths. He or she, by default, in many ways, opens him or her self up to being attacked or to being hurt.---I am not sure if I am attracted to this vulnerability; or, if I just do not have the patience to work through superficial walls of BS when I am getting to know someone...whatever the reason may be, I respect and am drawn to those whom I perceive to be genuine.

I recently read an interview with a person whom has always intrigued me. I suppose, on some level, I even admire him a bit because he presents himself as a genuine person. He seems down to earth and true to himself, which I respect. In this article, he said something that caught my eye: He said, "In life, you need to learn (and be willing) to say two things: thank you and fuck you".

I think that he may be correct. It is important to be able to thank others. It is crucial to let others know that you appreciate their presence in your life, that you appreciate the work that they do for you, and that you value their place in the world and are grateful for it. On the other hand, it is also important for a person to be able to stand up for him or her self and for that in which he or she believes in. Sometimes it is, in fact, necessary to say "Fuck you" .

There have been times in my life where I have said thank you too much. I have been eager to please others and have felt it necessary to make others feel appreciated-- even when they probably did not deserve it to the degree in which I provided it. I guess giving too much appreciation to others makes me, by proxy, a poser myself, which disgusts me. Conversely, there have been other times when I have been burned out with the world. I have been frustrated with situations in my environment. It is during those times that I was too eager to tell others off-- to say f-off to the world and specific individuals.

These days, I am more aware of what I say. True, there are days when what I will term as "being passionate" gets the best of me. Yet, overall, I am better about realizing my place in the world and how it effects others. I strive to maintain some sort of balance between the two extremes of being overly accommodating to others and being too selfish --without compromising my essence, if you will. My mission is to defend that of which I care about while still being genuine.

I want to be able to say both of the phrases (thank you and fuck you). I want to appreciate others. I want to be able to tell them off. I want to be able to properly identify the situations in which each of the phrases is appropriate.


Most of all, however, I want to be comfortable with my own voice...