Comfort

Over the past month, I have become much more comfortable with my role as an instructor. I am more confident in my ability to teach and have come to know several of my students well enough to know what they need from the class.

Despite the progress I've made, there are several students whom continue to challenge me. I have one student whom finds it amusing to argue with whatever I say. I have another student whom needs a therapist, not a teacher. I have others that are so focused on their grades that they are not learning as much as they could. I have a few students that just don't even bother coming to class. Despite their varied reasons for coming (or in some cases, not coming) to my class, I really adore my students. I enjoy watching the expressions they make as I speak and hearing the comments that they make in response. I enjoy watching some of them pass notes and watching others check the clock. I enjoy watching the men flirting with the women. I enjoy watching my students struggle to take notes on what I am saying while simultaneously completing the homework required for their next classes.

As I reflect on my own experiences in college, I wonder what my instructors must have thought of me. From my current perspective as an instructor, I can honestly say that I do not truly dislike any of my students. For the most part, their behaviors don't bother me either. I don't mind that one of my students insists on spending the period texting her friends from her cell phone. I don't mind that one of my students only shows up on Thursdays. I find myself entertained and even a little curious about these behaviors.

As an undergrad, I spent my time in class taking notes, daydreaming and planning my future. It is funny how not all of those plans turned out exactly as I thought they would when I was in Psych 101...but I digress. Now that I am aware of how much an instructor sees, I wonder what my teachers observed about me. I wonder how they thought of me. Was I a student number? Was I a person? To me, my students are all people. I know what types of cars some of them drive, I know what types of job some of them have, I know what conflicts are in their lives...

I am further intrigued by what my students must think of me as their instructor. To be honest, I either loved or hated my own teachers. I am embarrassed to acknowledge that there was more than one occasion that I thought some pretty nasty things about the person who stood at the front of the lecture hall. I didn't realize how difficult that position was though either.

Despite what I may think of my students or what they may think of me, I am happy that I decided to embark on this experience. I am a better person for it. I have learned a lot about myself and about people in general. I am happy to say that I will not be teaching again next quarter and am thankful for that break. However, with that said, I do look forward to a similar experience in the future...and will be ready for the challenge.