Performer

The post in which I compare myself to a rock star..


This will sound self-centered and ridiculous, but in some ways I sometimes feel like a rock star. Not in a "I'm so special, look at me, look at me" way, but kind of as a performer. Teaching involves a lot of theatrics (at least for me). If I am in a poor mood when I walk into a classroom, I must shove the feelings deep down and focus on the material at hand. I have to be excited about what I discuss to fully engage my students. Sometimes this requires a few jokes, maybe a tale or two, etc. Straight lecturing doesn't work -- for me. When my heart isn't into my classes, when I'm not engaged, I struggle. I don't enjoy the class time and students sense this. In turn, it doesn't seem that they enjoy the experience either.

When outside of the classroom, I am not as much in entertainer mode, but many of my students still watch me. I feel an incredible pressure or responsibility (which is internally driven) to support students on a personal level, to serve as a good role model, and to be around when needed. This is sometimes an exhausting gig. With that, I only have so much energy. I've learned that my energy is valuable and thus I must be selective with it. Asking for help is sometimes necessary. Cutting people from my life is important as well, if they're toxic. When I went to the beach this summer, I felt immense relief in that I knew no one watched me. I was anonymous. I answered to no one, including myself. It was awesome.

Due to the sheer nature of my job, I can read about myself on the Internet these days as well. I suppose that is another 'rock-star' like component of my position as well. The stuff I read used to upset me, even though there is good stuff out there as well. I tend to only remember the bad stuff, so now I do not review any of it. Sometimes, it is just about self-preservation at this point.