Teddy

When I was little, I used to have teddy bear stationery. It was 8x11 with a red border and a big teddy bear in the top left hand corner. My grandmother gave it to me. I never used a single sheet. I was always 'saving it' for when I was older. I thought I would likely use it to write newsletters home to the parents of the children in my class. I, of course, never got my own classroom. I never had to write newsletters to students' parents. The stationery sat in an envelope for nearly ten years before I finally tossed it when I moved away to attend college. I also saved stickers for my classroom. While others would place their stickers in collectors' books, I kept mine perfectly in their packages to use 'one day'. 'One day' never came. I have a similar story regarding the free posters that accompanied my book orders. I kept them each in a manila folder, preserving them neatly to decorate my future classroom rather than tacking them to my bedroom walls to enjoy. Again, that never happened.


Lately, I've been thinking a lot about money. On one hand, I am concerned that I do not save enough. I worry that my spending habits are not frugal enough. Will I be able to retire? If so, when? How will I know? What if something happens? Will I be covered? How much money might I owe to the government at tax time? What will happen if I do not pick up an extra class? How will this affect my ability to pay my tuition? Should we refinance? Etc. On the other hand, I work damn hard. I am privileged in that I have a license and an education to back-up my name. Thus, I have the ability to earn more in the future. I have positioned myself work to continue working for some time. I also do not hate working (typically). The debt that I have is relatively good debt. It is manageable at this point in time as well. Still though....the idea of planning for the future, while balancing my desires of today, makes me nervous. Such is life, I suppose.

J has a friend that consistently talks about money. Lately, he's discovered rules regarding money, such as: one should maintain a few months' worth of salary n the bank (if possible), one should not spend more than he or she can afford (again, if possible), credit cards are more expensive than using cash, etc. These ideas seem to be common sense to me. I think: "duh". As I talk with some of my friends, it seems that they live from paycheck to paycheck, not out of necessity, but by choice to some degree. They assume that they're young enough to save later. Thus, why not go out and buy a $300 pair of shoes today, cover rent, and worry about the rest later? I think, "Whoa" in response. Yet, at the same time I see the beauty in such a perspective as well. It seems kind of like the teddy bear stationary -- while I might use it eventually, shouldn't I enjoy my resources a little bit now too? Do I want to save for something I might never see come to fruition? Shouldn't one be willing to live a little while risking a little?

As always, it comes down to balance. As I reflect more on my experiences, it seems I've never understood this concept well.

This is about to change.