Normal

Life seems to be returning to "normal" -- whatever that is. Everyone is discharged from the hospital, people have returned from their trips, and I am acclimating to my brutal schedule.

I've realized that my life, in its current form, will never be 'normal'. I will never have a 9-5 job. I will likely never have the ability to to maintain regular days off. JB and I will never have a typical relationship either. I am trying to become more okay with such circumstances.

With my lack of normalcy, I've realized that I too often make statements such as "I'll do that when things slow down", or "We'll have a chance to relax after...". Frankly, this is bologna. With that, I have made more of a concerted effort to be as 'normal' as possible. This past weekend, for example, I scheduled specific times to relax. I had dinner with my former employees one evening, went to a friend's birthday bash the next evening, and then gave up most of Sunday to hang out with JB during which time we planned nothing. Absolutely nothing. We found ourselves at the beach, the farmer's market, and then at the cupcake shop. Things seemed exactly as they should: mine.

People tell me I live in my head a lot. I realize this is true. I try not to get lost in my thoughts, but sometimes cannot help it. For example, whilst at my friend's party, I found myself distracted as I wrote a lecture in my head. While with my friends the previous night, I thought about a new research project I am do to begin in the near future. Does this mean I have a poor ability to concentrate? Probably. Does it somehow make me deficient? I do not think so anymore. I've realized that my mind simply works a bit different that those of others. Sometimes, I need to work to drawing myself out a bit more - maybe even need to rely on others to do the same, but that is okay.

I'm not normal.