Bitterness

The past few weeks have led to frustration regarding one of my teaching gigs. I have not written about the irritation for a few reasons: 1.) T’s buddy, 2.) Negativity does little to improve things, and 3.) I thought perhaps I was just being too sensitive.

I am over that now.

I am ready to be a petty bitch.

Three things over the past 24-hours have led to complete bitterness: 1.) Student feedback, 2.) Being attacked in the hall, and 3.) An email I received.

1. I received an email yesterday from a student in one of the classes for which I subbed this quarter. The woman I replaced halfway through the quarter earned the tenure-track position I applied for last year. I know nothing about her except for the fact that we are evidently polar opposites. The man who wrote was upset to see questions from her previous tests on the cumulative final exam. In part he stated, “[Instructor] didn't teach up to par of the test materials….she was a good woman, but she rushed us so much that she didn't teach us the materials in a way that we would have retained the information for the test alone, let alone a cumulative final”. I replied to the student indicating that I made every effort to write a complete final exam and felt that the best way to capture the earlier material was to simply pull questions from previous exams (as it was my assumption that she taught the stuff she tested on – silly me). I offered to review his exam with him, but stated that I could not comment on another instructor’s teaching methods, as I feel it is inappropriate for me to either promote or defend a colleague. Instead, I re-directed him to the Dean. He replied today. A portion of his email said, “…even though you can't say it, you were a much more effective teacher that had open ears for the students' opinions and allowed us to share our ideas, while getting through the material on time. I know the course material stacked up harshly for [Instructor], but skipping through twenty slides in the last five minutes and putting that material on the test just wasn't fair to the students, especially since we were again tested on that material”. I’d like to say that this feedback was unique to this student, but quite frankly, it was not. I have received numerous emails like this over the past few weeks. Rumor is the other instructor has no presentation skills and does not really enjoy being in a classroom. I tend to ignore students’ comments and just keep in mind that the other instructor was highly pregnant when they had her and that students will say odd things in a misguided attempt to suck up.

2. Yesterday, I was in the staff room running scantrons. A woman, who is some sort of administrative assistant for the Social Sciences Department, and whom I have met exactly two times approached me and said, “Do you mind if I offer a commentary?”. Internally, I thought, “Oh shit, I know I look like hell. Back off”, but graciously said, “Of course not” instead. She said, “I’ve noticed that you’re here a lot and that students really love you. I’ve also noticed that other staff is not always kind to you. I think it is horrible that we did not hire you full-time, but constantly expect you to pick up classes. You keep doing so without complaining and never miss a day. It says a lot about your character. You belong here. It is a disgrace that the college does not see that”. Shit. I did not imagine others’ interactions with me. Others can see it too.

3. Finally, I received an email from the woman for whom I subbed. She asked about grades getting turned in on time, commented on how my schedule must have been ‘a little difficult to get used to’, and asked if a student who sits in the back row passed or not because ‘[She] hope[s] so, because [she] rather not have him in class again!’. My thoughts [revised]: “Really?!? He did not pass, but he is great. It is true that he presents as being put out by being in class and is probably too damn intelligent for his own good, but he just needs to be engaged properly. He is actually pretty damn cool. Students like him are all about class management. Students all have needs. Some require us to work harder than others. Yes, it is tough, but if you don’t want that opportunity, get out of my way because I do!”. Instead, I wrote, “[He] will likely not pass the course although I have to tell you that I enjoy him quite a bit. I find him to be very intelligent and managed to get him to smile on several occasions. He also participated in class discussions and activities beautifully and his attendance was not nearly as poor as I expected it to be. You can direct him to my sections if you'd like….As for the schedule-- I've certainly been busy, but this really has been my dream for a long time. I only wish that I could've taken time off from my regular job to enjoy the experience more fully. I really love [the college] and all the students. We really are quite lucky to do what we do”.

Later in the day, I was informed that the budget is tight. The college needs to cut about 20%, which likely includes me. The adjuncts that have been around for years get cut before the newbies…

...Because that is fair…

Yes, I am bitter.