110%

In many ways, my sister and I are very different. I am okay with this fact. I think it is a good thing. I admire that she and I do not share the same perspective. I am thankful she and I do not hold the same idiosyncrasies. I enjoy our differences and think that they have the potential to compliment each other well. It is true that there are aspects of life regarding which we will likely never see eye-to-eye. Again, that is okay.

If one were to look at us side by side, I am unsure if he or she would recognize that we are related. She seems to take pride in her appearance – a gene I either missed or a skill in which I am too lazy to partake. She has a darker complexion than I. I tend to glare more. She tends to be more extroverted.

It is true that we have similarities as well: we are now both college graduates, neither of us really cares for seafood; we both are fiercely independent and overly opinionated. It seems that we just regulate ourselves differently.

The one major difference between the two of us, from my perspective, is that my sister really LIVES life. It is not that I do not, but she, in many ways, gets to do those things I passed up. She travels. She socializes. I, on the other hand, tend to work and sleep (as mentioned previously, I am working slowly to expand these activities). In the past, our varying priorities and senses of responsibility caused conflict between us. Not that either of us does not respect the other’s life, but more that our lives do not exactly mesh. For the past couple of years, we have had little in common with the exception of our bloodline. We lived in separate cities, worked in different fields, and (shame on us) made little time to get to know one another. Despite our lack of commonalities, I have always admired her and yearned to know her better. I suspect as times goes by and we both mature, this will take place.

As I reflected on my relationship with her, I realized that my sister does not do anything half way. She does not ‘kind of’ do well in school. She does not ‘kind of’ party. It is probably safe to say that IF she does something, she does it 110%. I often wish I could say the same thing about myself, but the truth is that I just do not have the same fire within me. I am either spread too thin or just not as passionate. I suppose on a day-to-day basis, one might not notice our differences. I suspect that the one area that we vary greatly in, however, is how we deal with things. In general, it seems that I tend to internalize a lot or to get mad. She, one the other hand, can be wonderfully emotional. When she is happy, we all know it. She laughs and smiles, makes merry and has a strong desire to take pictures. When she is distraught, she cannot hide it. She cries and cries and is inconsolable.

This past weekend, my sister was put under a huge amount of stress. She took her licensure exam for nursing. Not only did she study forever, she had a wonderful job riding on her passing the test. She left the test feeling like she did not pass. She called home and expressed the same. Needless to say, she, well…quite frankly she was a mess. I attempted to assist her in obtaining her scores. Wouldn’t you know the testing company did not open until Monday? I was able to determine that the latest she would have to wait for her results would be Tuesday.

I felt bad for her. I have been in the position of needing to know. I have endured the complete frustration of waiting. I know the feeling one has when one small decision impacts his or her entire future. All I could do was to tell her to breathe and to assure her it would all work out fine.

On Monday, she left for the Grand Canyon sacrificing her ability to check her scores via the Internet for the beauty of nature. She e-mailed me directions of how to obtain her scores via the Internet prior to her departure --then, she followed-up with a text. The next morning, she texted again.

Finally, on my way from class to work, I checked her account via my phone. I could see her scores were available, but did not want to order them with my credit card with an insecure connection. I skipped the first portion of a meeting and logged on to her account. As I waited for the computer to load, I thought to myself, “This is dumb. Everything always works out for her. It will be fine”. For a half-second, I was jealous because I am often not quite as lucky in that way. I then thought to myself, “How is her entire life about to change?” I wondered if I should prepare myself regarding how to console her if necessary. I thought about how not only her life would be impacted by the results, but about how the rest of the family’s were likely to be impacted as well.

I read the computer screen and picked up the phone. My stomach turned. Instead of answering the phone in a civilized manner, my sister answered by saying, “Shit. You know, don’t you?” I told her that she passed.

As it turns out, my sister gives 110 – no 1110% when she screams as well. I do not think I ever have nor will I ever again experience such a sound.

It turns out that she does not do anything halfway.

It is awesome.

Congrats, K. We’re all really proud of you.