Quarter

Tonight I find myself in a coffee shop. Lame for a Saturday night? Absolutely, but really-- it serves as a good reflection, in many ways, of my life. I am here because I needed to focus. I am unable to focus at home. There are too many distractions. (Pretty funny that I am writing to you, oh dear internet people, then, huh?)

I have a week until classes begin again. This quarter, as with past quarters, is slated to be busy. In fact, it should be busier. I will teach four classes this quarter. Two of the sections are of the same course. The other two are not. I have class five hours per day. My first class will take place during my 'lunch break' at my day job. The others will take place in the evening after work. I hope I will have enough time to get everything done. I hope that I do not compromise my sanity while doing the same.

I checked my rosters this evening. In each of my classes, I allow 40 slots. Forty students is a good number. I usually get a good mix of student demographics. There are also many perspectives present with that many students in the class. Finally, it does not distract me too much if a few people are missing from the room (as is does with smaller classes). Currently, my slots are all filled. I have wait lists in a couple of classes as well. I tend not to deny anyone from the lists access to the courses. I remember how stressful it was to get classes to fit with my schedule, etc. when I was an undergraduate. I do not see a point in inducuing that stress in students. Afterall, if I am already grading 40 papers, what is another one, two or maybe even 10?

As always, I find myself anxious about the upcoming quarter. My anxiety is different this time though. I am not really worried about meeting new students (perhaps I will be next week). I am not nervous about meeting the college's expectations either. I am more concerned regarding my abilities to remain current with all of my classes while not compromising my day job, marriage, health, etc.

Someone asked me the other day why I keep placing myself in impossible situations. If one were to read back to last Spring, he or she would see that I eventually became too tired and quit my day job. It would seem that my upcoming situation is contrary to all of the goals I set for myself at that time. The answer is: I don't know why I do this. I suppose a part of me craves the chaos of balancing too much. Another part of me finds the teaching gig to be extremely rewarding too. Even though I typiclly love the teaching, the more practical side of me knows that I should not sacrifice my day job to focus on this hobby, as I have bills to pay. I suppose I know that this schedule is finite too, which helps my endurance at times. The school will be hiring a full-time faculty member in the near future. When that happens, my classes will be reduced significantly. Until that time comes, however, I want to take advantage of all of the opportunities offered to me. I want to demonstrate that I am flexible. I want to challenge myself. I want to increase my experience. I do not mind the extra cash either.

Even though I am anxious and even admittedly strressed, I find that I am feeling a bit more confident than usual. I am not really worried about whether or not I can handle things. It is true that there will be times when I will hate my schedule, be irritated with students, and have to refocus, but I will get through things. I will do a good job. I will have fun.

Most importantly, I'll make it to next quarter.