Fear

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do". I am doing that now. I am looking fear in the face.

The fear is a fear of failure. Failure has always been one of my biggest worries. You see, right now I am in the process of completing my application to teach at a local college. In general, I am not too concerned about writing cover letters or regarding how my resume looks. I am relatively confident in both. However, this time it is different. In addition to the traditional letter and resume, I also have to respond to numerous essay questions and put together a portfolio. It is a lot of work, but that is okay.

The thing is that I had a pretty frank discussion with the head of the department. He indicated that although it "is imperative [I] apply for the experience" the fact is that I will not get the gig. I just do not have enough experience. The way I see it though, I will never get the experience required to obtain a full-time position at a college until someone allows me the opportunity to do the same. Of course I have a lot to learn, but the beauty is that I have a lot of time to acquire that knowledge. Although some (as in the Department Head) may see my age as a detriment accompanied by naivete and a lack of experience, I choose to see it as an advantage. Although I know that others in the department look down on me and view me as the little sister of sorts, I think that I have the edge. I am closer to my students' ages (for the most part) than the rest of the faculty, allowing me an easier time to connect with them. I am also still full of curiosity and excitement compared to some of my peers whom have had dusty books sitting in their offices since before I was born and whom are bitter with the educational system. I happen to know that if hired, I would bring some life to the department and would do a fine job.

Yet, with all of my knowledge and reassurance, the fact is that the Head of the Department helps make the decisions and already has his ideas regarding who he wants to hire -- that person is not me. To even get an interview, my application materials must be superior to those of others. I need to prove myself worthy of getting an interview let alone anything else. My fear, of course, is that I will not even get that far in the process.

I do not think that I can earn this position. Despite that, I will act in a manner that would make my girl Eleanor proud...I am going to face my fears of rejection and failure and try for that which I think I cannot do...