Butterflies

Before every quarter begins, I get nervous. I wish I did not, but I do. My aunt, who is also a teacher, indicates that this feeling never goes away. She reports that every educator, no matter how experienced, has butterflies prior to the first day of classes.

Tomorrow marks the first day of Spring quarter for me. My syllabi are copied. I signed my contract and picked up the key to my classroom. In general, I suppose I am prepared. Yet, I remain anxious. I am eager to meet my new students. I cannot wait to see their reactions as they realize that I am their instructor (that is usually pretty entertaining). I am excited to evaluate the diversity in my classroom and to consider how it will alter my teaching methods this quarter. I hope that my students are active participants in their learning processes. I hope that we are a good fit. I hope that they like me.

As an undergraduate, I learned that a person usually forms his or her opinion about a person within the first 20 minutes of meeting him or her. Twenty minutes. With this in mind, I figure I have the first half- hour or so to convince students that they want to be a part of my class. I have that much time to convince them that I can be both competent and entertaining. I have that much time to convince them that I am fabulous (which--for those of you whom do not know me-- not to sound arrogant or anything, but I am). I have never been particularly good with time lines. I do not like the pressure. Therefore, twenty minutes seems a bit scary to me.

With a strong desire to make a good first impression, I am having a difficult time deciding what to wear. There is a part of me that thinks I should go with the professional slacks and blouse, as this option is both safe yet not too stuffy. There is another part of me that thinks I should go with my standard jeans and a t-shirt, as I want students to get to know me for me immediately. I do not want to pretend to be something I am not. There is a third part of me that wants to wear a skirt or a dress -- basically just because I have felt like dressing like a girl lately.

The thing is that, overall, I am successful as an instructor. Therefore, my wardrobe and all of the other details really do not matter. The school continues to offer me classes, my students seem to be fond of me, and I have a good time. I am not quite the instructor I want to be yet, but know that with time I will get better. I have the potential and ambition to be great. Therefore, my anxiety really is a bit silly.

For tonight, I am going to focus on relaxing. I will try to go to bed at a decent hour. I hope to get a full night's sleep as well. In the morning, I will follow my buddy I's advice and try to force down some breakfast. I will drink a minimal amount of coffee and try to remain calm. I will re-read my lecture and believe in myself....

I will welcome the butterflies....