Breasts

I cannot cook. I have always lacked in the homemaking department and cooking remains one of my biggest challenges. Over the years, I have noticed that I am much more successful in the kitchen when I am not trying to follow a specific recipe. It is when I worry about measurements, etc. that I start to panic. Luckily, I am married to a man whom would not know fine food if it hit him in the face. He patiently sits through my experiments and acts like a human garbage disposable. Further, he actually does a majority of the cooking (when it occurs) in our household.

Since leaving my “day” job, I have made an effort to cook more. J and I need to spend less money eating out. It would be nice to eat more fruits and vegetables too. I also recognize that due to my schedule, it makes sense for me to take on this task. It turns out that J’s partner’s wife, L, is pretty excited about this too. She does not like it when the boys spend money on food during the night, as she keeps a close eye on her budget and has other expenses for which she rather allocate money. I have a suspicion that L is about a good as cook as I (those poor guys).

The other day, J called and said, “L is cooking Tuesday and Wednesday. That leaves you with Thursday and Friday”. A month ago, I would have corrected my sweet naïve husband and pointed out that this particular plan would have actually left him with Thursday and Friday, as he is the one who eats the food (I seem to live off of peanut butter and jelly myself – and yes, I know this is bad). However, in light of his support regarding my pesky little life crisis and the fact that I do have the ability to make time to cook, I decided to cooperate with his plan. I figured that his request was not too much and it was much better than the delusion he had last week when he thought I was a short-order cook.

This morning I decided that I wanted to cook something a bit different. I looked in the fridge and pondered the possibilities. Then, it hit me – stuffed chicken breasts with garlic herb cheese coupled with some steamed vegetables. Yummy! Sounds good, right? Probably not too difficult either….I defrosted the chicken and prepared my filling. When I got to the actually process of stuffing, however, I was a bit baffled. Do I cut chicken in half, like a sandwich and then stuff it? Or, should I cut down the middle and then do a cross-section for stuffing? I tried each. It seemed that my cross-section method was a bit more effective.

My inability to put very much stuffing in a particular chicken breast was a bit perplexing to me as well. I thought to myself, “Certainly I can get more in here”. And then...it hit me. I have seen this done a million times. I am a crappy-television junkie. All I needed to do was to refer to the skills I learned while watching the good people on E!. Yep, the fabulous doctors of Dr. 90210. As I recall, the doctors on the show never tear open a woman’s chest to perform a breast augmentation. Instead, they make small incisions and then rely on their tools (whatever they’re called—K would know, not me) to make space for the implant. Further, just when one thinks, “Oh, he/she is done inserting the implant. Looks like that woman is ready to be sewn back up”, the doctors ALWAYS add just an additional 100 ccs of fluid. So, that is exactly what I did. I became methodical regarding my incisions. When I thought the chicken could hold no additional stuffing, I added another spoonful. The result? Excellent stuffed chicken (yea for me!!).

Who said reality television would rot your brain? I think this serves as an excellent example of just how useful it can actually be….

(and for my readers with lots of opinions, please do not suggest multiple cooking shows I can watch. I know all about Rachel and Martha. I just really like the fact that I could only recall the work on 90210 and that I may have found a reason to justify my poor television watching habits) :)