Flashlight

I do not appraise people very often. I spend more time contemplating myself than I do considering others. I do not think this fact necessarily makes me self-centered; I think it actually has a lot to do with my insecurities. I agonize about the decisions I make. I worry about the actions I take, etc. I wonder about my purpose and consider my place in this world.

Over the past day or so, however, I have been evaluating another. She is a person with whom I work. The past few days have revealed slivers of the person’s character that I was not aware of (or chose to ignore) before. Those slivers, unfortunately, reflect qualities I do not care for and do not respect. I witnessed her being dishonest. I witnessed her being manipulative. I realized (much to my dismay) that she is this way towards me at times. It makes me sad, as I would never be this way towards her (or others for that matter). I secretly hope that my perception of the situation is incorrect. If it is not, however, I will have to reconsider things. I will separate myself from that individual and find a way to work around her rather than with her.

My friend (another coworker) and I discussed this person briefly today. No—it was not a catty conversation at all as much as a curious exchange of observations about incongruities we observed. We are both a bit dismayed with the third woman’s behavior. We are both pretty much done with her as well – neither one of us is any longer particularly invested in figuring the lady out. Although neither one of us cares too much about the whole situation, I know that I will be cautious. I will protect myself.

While considering the third person, my friend and I discussed why she and I are friends: we are both outspoken, we both have common sense, we have similar tastes in music and are often amused by the same things. At the same time, we have differences too: she remembers everything whereas I recall almost nothing, she often wears skirts when I prefer jeans, she is social and I am a loner, etc. Our lists go on and on. Our appraisals of ourselves led us to another discussion about our significant others. We appraised them as well. Although I have always known what an excellent man J is, I have never thought about the same in such an objective manner.

J is not fancy. He is not rich. He is not around as often as I would like him to be. There are many things that he talks about that, on occasion, bore me to tears. He does not dress quite the way I would like. He has a weird cackle that seems to surface when he is tired and amused. I hate his sandals. We have different tastes in music, books, and movies. The thing is though that none of these things matter…despite, or perhaps because of, these details, J remains an incredible man in my eyes. He is a hard worker. He is compassionate. He is thoughtful. He is honest. He is genuine. J rarely speaks ill of anyone ever and is usually able to see the positive in any situation. J goes out of his way to show me that he cares about me. He is a great entertainer. He loves children and is a comedian in his own right. He can fix almost anything. He is more patient than any man should be.

As she and I spoke, my friend said, “Unlike [the third person], J is real. With him, what you see is what you get”. She is absolutely correct. J is what you see. He does not hide behind complex rituals, complicated excuses, or material possessions. I would not be able to deal with that either. I like to know where I stand with people and to wade through the other BS would never work for me. My friend added, “I see why you married J. Hell, I almost fell in love with him when you told me about the flashlight story”.

The flashlight story?? Hmm…. It took me a moment to recall that to which she referred. A few months ago, the wind in our area was a bit stronger than normal. Our power went out often. I am okay at home alone at night. I am not even particularly worried about the doors being locked, etc. I feel safe. This sense of safety depletes, however, when it is silent – especially when it is both silent and dark. As the wind storms picked up, J anticipated that our power might go out. He also knew that I would not do well if that situation were to occur. I would not know what to do with myself if I had to sit in the dark silence. I would be okay for awhile, but my mental health status would deplete quickly thereafter. Therefore, he dug out our only flashlight and put it on the stairs for me to see when I walked in the door that night. He made sure we had candles and located the clicker (which I can never seem to find) and put it out too. A few days later, I woke up to the flashlight on the table beside my bed with a note that said, “Just in case…I love you”, as he departed in the middle of the night and again suspected that we might loose our power…. The point is that J takes care of me. He thinks about my needs. Although I am often spoiled and want more from him, he tries. He puts effort into my safety and comfort. He puts energy into our relationship too. He would do the same for almost anyone in his life as well. He cares. He is a good man.

Some of my friends tell me that good men are hard to find. As I get older and interact with more men, I seem to find that this fact is probably true. Luckily, my life happens to be sprinkled with some fantastic men whom skew my view, but I know that they’re rare just the same.

So, even though he does not sport designer threads or drive a fancy car, the fact is that J is good. Actually, he is great. He is dignified. He has character. He thinks of the little things.

For me, he even remembers the flashlight…