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Today I became ill – seemingly out of nowhere. One moment, I felt well and was excited to hang out with my peeps only to find myself nauseous and completely not okay a few minutes later. The bad news is that whatever took over my body knocked me down—knocked me hard. I am pleased to report, however, that I am feeling fine now. My illness was nothing that a lot of water, some food in my tummy, a long shower and a few too many Tylenol could not repair. I suspect that I was actually just dehydrated. I am thankful that it did not last for very long. I am not a good patient.

As I sat around wishing to either re-gain my health or to allow sweet death to take over (just to leave the agony I experienced), I ordered The Devil Wears Prada from OnDemand. It is a movie I originally planned on seeing with B and T some time ago, but never quite made it due to a variety of bizarre circumstances. I figured tonight would be the night to watch it, as I was alone (and J and no one else I know actually has a desire to see it). Overall, the movie was as mediocre as I anticipated. I will most likely never watch it again, but it did help distract me for an hour or two until my tummy settled down. The movie, in my opinion, did not have any major point: it did not have a great message for its viewers, it was not overly entertaining, nor did it address any socially significant subjects.

There was one line, however, that made me think. The main character, Andrea, commented that her professional life overshadowed her personal life and that her personal relationships were “hanging on by a thread”. In response, one of her peers said something to the effect of, “Well, when that thread finally breaks, it will just about be time for a promotion”.

I am not sure why that specific line captivated my attention — but it did. I suppose, in some respects, it caught my ear because I know it is true. In fact, I have been in that exact position on several occasions. The truth is that I have lacked as a friend on several occasions because I placed my vocation before my personal life. I have been overly responsible. I left myself too accessible to my company. I have cancelled plans with friends and loved ones to get caught up on paperwork, to chase someone down, or to squeeze in just one more client (which is dumb because the same really was not required of me outside of my own mind). As is recorded on this little corner of the internet, over the past year I have worked to change my twisted perspective of the world. During the course of that time I had an epiphany: I have the next 50 to 75 years to work -- After all, my paperwork will not go anywhere from one day to the next. People will always want to talk if I am around to answer the phone. My e-mail box will seemingly always have a message in need of a response. Unfortunately, I sacrificed a few too many relationships before I came to that realization. I now find myself trying to rectify those situations. I make more effort now. I want to hang out with people. I no longer feel the need to stay at work all hours of the night if I can go hang out with a friend instead. I suppose I am done using work as an excuse not to live.

I am not the only one plagued by “thin threads” though either. The truth is that more people than not probably prioritize their professional goals over their personal needs. It appears to be the American way of life. Those close to us know that J and I are going through some rough times right now (1. Please do not send e-mails offering your condolences — we are working on things and 2. Yes, he does know I am writing about the same and is okay with it). I do not need to air our dirty laundry here out of respect to each of us (and, really, there is not much to air). The thing I can tell you, however, is that our marriage, in many respects, is at the “thin thread” point. We need to make changes or the thread will snap. J and I both made mistakes. We prioritized things incorrectly. We did not put each other first. We are both overly responsible and obligated to outside sources. We both have only a certain amount of energy…

The good news is that J and I recognize and acknowledge the thin threads of sorts that exist in our lives. We are not fighting. We are working on finding solutions. We are taking sporadic days off to be with one another. We are altering our daily schedules. We are communicating – a lot. We are each working on improving ourselves as individuals so that we may be better for each other. If things are meant to be, they will be...

As a part of my mission to improve the person I am, I have been engaging in a self-inventory of sorts. I am determining who I want to be and what I want to accomplish in my limited time on this planet. I am working to de-stress, laugh more, and to make a difference in the world. I am evaluating my relationships. I am trying to figure out how I can enhance others’ lives and am determining what I need/want from my interactions with others. I am considering doors to new experiences/opportunities as they present themselves. On some level, this process is a selfish one. I am okay with that. At the end, I need to know that I have actively participated in my life rather than just having passively experienced it.

With my changes, I decided it is okay not to respond to every e-mail the second it pops up in my Inbox. I also do not lunge for the phone every time it jingles. For some, this adjustment is a bit overwhelming. People are not used to me not answering the phone or not responding to e-mail immediately. To those of you, whom may be concerned about my recent changes in my behavior (i.e. K), please do not be alarmed. I am okay. I am just taking some time. My behaviors have nothing to do with you. I will check my phone/computer every once in awhile; I am just not tying myself to either. I am out enjoying the fresh air….

I am trying to live my life…

I suppose if I needed to recall the Prada analogy: I am trying to thread a new needle....