Assertive

While hanging out with one of my favorite guys, I learned that I am perceived by many to be "assertive". I argued with him regarding this fact for awhile. Assertiveness just is not a quality that I associate with myself.

A lot of the time I am unsure of myself (this blog is a testament to that). Often, I question my thought processes and decisions. In fact, sometimes I probably think too much. Of course, I am aware of the fact that I can be feisty and even a pain (afterall, that is a part of my charm). However, assertive? Really? For giggles, I looked the definition of the word up on-line tonight. Per dictionary.com, the word means "to be aggressively self-assured". Again, me? Really?

I do not deny that I have a temper. I do not deny that I will speak up when I see injustices. I do not deny that I can be passionate. I can even take charge when the situation warrants the same. So, I guess, yes, I may have the ability to be assertive at times, but do not think that I am a consistently assertive person.

I used to have a picture in my office that read, "Any idiot can handle a crisis, it is the day-to-day living that wears you out". The card has always made me laugh. This is due to the fact that because during crises, I tend to stay calm enough and to handle things well. Some people seem to be under the illusion this is because I know what I am doing. In reality, it is often because I am not thinking. It is not until after a situation is over that I really reflect on it and realize all of the things that could have gone wrong or really considered the dangers that were present, etc. Upon such reflections, I question myself, criticize my actions and say a silent 'thank you' that things did not go poorly. I suppose that I can see why, however, to some people, I may appear assertive at times. Sometimes I do, in fact, appear to know what I am doing and demand that things be done exactly my way. Although, I think that if people really knew all that went through my mind, they may change their opinions.

However, if you are one of those people who think that I am, in fact, assertive....just wait until you meet my sister....:)