Afar

B and I went to B'ham this past weekend. We had a great time. We explored our old stomping ground, checked out the brewery, shopped and visited our alma mater. We also visited our old buddy, C.

The highlight of our trip for me (outside of being with B, of course) was seeing C. The last time I saw him was at my wedding. C is an interesting guy. He is extremely creative, very kind, and is a free soul. His house is never really clean. He is never quite on time. He is easily distracted and completely disorganized. He falls in love easily and treasures the little things in life. He is a musical whiz. There is a part of C that is very childlike in that he understands the importance of singing silly songs, creating beauty, and using one's imagination.

Many years ago, C used to practically live out our house. We had cable and made a decent meal every night -- not too shabby of a deal for a single guy. It was probably nice for him to have four girls taking care of him too. We spent a lot of time together. He was respectful and a good friend. For whatever reason though, he and I lost touch once I moved away from the area. I guess we both just got busy living our own lives.

Although it was great to see C, I am sad to report that he is no longer the man I once knew. It is not that I did not expect him to change or anything, as we all do. He is not the same though-- he seems to be a shell of his former self. He is sad. He seems to wear the weight of the world on his shoulders. He clearly has a lot on his mind. C is involved with a woman that he knows he should not be. She is not healthy. She tries to control every aspect of his life (rumor is that she freaked when she heard B and I were in the area). She brings out qualities in him that he does not like or respect in himself. C and his partner do not compliment each other at all. C reports, however, that he does not want to give up on the relationship, which is very in tune with his nature. When they first got together, C thought he found the woman he would marry and does not want to give up on that idea. He wants to nurture her and create a better situation. C states that when things are good, they are very good. He holds out for those brief moments. He yearns for them too.

C is tired though. I do not think that he can continue to endure the situation for much longer. He appears to be physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. As his friend (albeit not the best friend I could be), I want to encourage him to free himself from the situation. I want him to be the man I remember. I want to call and offer him support. I want to distract him. I want to do anything I can do. I want to commend him for his efforts to make things work. I want him to know that it is honorable that he is trying and that his compassion towards his partner is seemingly remarkable. At the same time, I want to remain silent. I do not want to add pressure to his life. I do not want a phone call, e-mail or visit from me to create more chaos. It is clear that his partner is insecure and unable to accept him having female friends. I do not want to set her off.

The situation makes me sad. I want to fix things. I either want to kidnap C and take care of him here, or I want to alter the relationship so that it flourishes. C deserves better. I am sure his lady does as well. I know that it is really none of my business though either. I also know there are no realistic options (as I see things) that I can do to help. C must make his own decisions. He must be brave and fight the storm. I cannot do this for him. Yet, he will remain in my mind. I will send him happy thoughts...

I will care about him from afar...