Hell

I wrote the following post in September. No doubt, I was not at peace as I composed it. I chose not to post it at that time because I know it will not sit well with several of my regular readers. Today, I received an e-mail from a friend that commented that she has been thinking about me. The message said, "It seems to me like [God] is stirring your mind and your heart to make sense of this world and how he fits into the whole picture. In a recent magazine I was reading I came across this ad: If you don't matter to God, you don't matter to anyone...As a society, we reap the consequences of the unquestioned acceptance of the belief in evolution every day. It diminishes our worth and reduces human beings from being 'made in the image of God' to being mere players in the game of survival of the fittest. Find hope. Find truth. Find answers today...."

She is correct. God has been on my mind.

She concluded her message, "We, as humans, have to battle our sinful nature every day, every thought. If left to ourselves, with no moral calling, we succumb to evil..."meanness", anger, rage, violence. These violent crimes that make the headlines in our newspapers will not cease. If I hope for that, as though it may come true in my lifetime, I will have missed the point of my life. God does not promise a life without pain and sorrow. What he does promise is hope, love, and peace within our souls. Peace in the knowledge that any life, no matter how dark and evil, will change in an instant to goodness, love, and mercy when they give their life to God and follow his ways."

Her message is appreciated and will sit in my mind as I reflect on it over the next few days...Until then, here is the original posting...I figure my struggle is already obvious, so I might as well share it completely...

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Over the past week or so, I have thought a lot about religion. You see, the problem is, I don't know how I feel about it anymore. Don't get me wrong, I am not against religion by any stretch of the imagination. I think that it is more that I do not understand it. I am unsure if it is the actual organized religion part that I struggle with or the faith--but I struggle.

I am not a person whom attends church each week (much to some of my elders' horror). I used to go on a regular basis, but have not got much out of it for quite some time and therefore no longer see the point. I understand the sense of community that a church brings and enjoy that aspect, but during the actual services, I do not absorb the information nor do I become inspired. So, I stopped going.... I do not know how I feel about that.

There are some people in this world that are very firm in their faiths. I admire that. I wish I were the same in some respects. It must be an amazing feeling to be at peace in regards to faith. In other respects, I am fine with who I am despite my lack of religion. I believe in doing well, helping others, and being conscious of my actions. I think that, overall, I am a good person-- church or no church. Others do not see it that way though. I am not convinced, however, that being a passive person each week at church would make me a better person in God's (or anyone else's) eyes though either.

I have several great friends whom have sought to educate me regarding their beliefs about God, the Bible, heaven and hell, etc. They are able to refer to passages in the Bible, provide examples from sermons, and explain the great reward that will occur on judgment day. Although I respect their beliefs, I am not certain that I can adopt them myself. Why should one wait until the end of his or her life to evaluate his or her actions? What if there is no big reward at the end and one's life is the reward? Like I mentioned before, this is a struggle that is on-going for me...I suppose it is a part of growing older, discovering who I am, and maturing.

The other day I was contemplating my thoughts about faith, etc. as I watched the news. I listened to a story about the war. I do not agree with war, but sometimes see the necessity of it as well...but I digress. I watched a commentator discuss a recent battle. She discussed the number of people killed. She described the surroundings. I thought to myself: How could a good God allow this to happen? Why? Then, I concluded that God is not fighting the war, humans are. Per the Bible, Jesus died on the cross so that those whom were committing the unjust killing or other violent acts could be forgiven....I think.

The commentator then discussed a sight she saw herself: She said as she walked down the street, she saw the dead body of a girl somewhere around the age of 12. She was decapitated. A dog's head was sewn on in place of her own....I do not understand what type of monster would do that. I do not understand why that person should be forgiven to live in a Kingdom of Heaven. I highly doubt that Jesus or whomever really meant to forgive such actions....

And again, my struggle continues....